Two Boys, Two Squirrels, and Babies
by Mintey
Summary: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MASIH! Sequel to Masih's story Lipstick.  Edmund gets the idea for a prank that is far worse than Peter could have bargained for.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Pevensies, or any other traditional characters. I especially do not own Narnia itself - that belongs to CS Lewis. This is just for pure fun; I am not making any money off of it.

**Disclaimer II: **Some aspects may resemble other stories, but it is not intentional if they do. I've simply read a thousand stories and they're floating in my subconscious state. So if I copied you, it was inadvertent, and I apologize to you.

**Disclaimer III: **I only own the names of the squirrels (the squirrels as characters actually belong to Masih) - they were created my own purposes. I ask if you would like to use them to please message me first. Also, I ask that no one steals any of the plot ideas in this story. Again, if you would like to use them, please message me or Masih, because it is to her story to which I am making a sequel. Thank you.

**Rating: **T - Contains some sexual references and immature humor. Intended for ages 13+.

**Time Period: **During The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, time really doesn't matter, though both Pevensie boys are imagined to be in their teens.

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY MASIH (Pre-Reading Notes):** This is a birthday present to Masih, a sequel to her adorably funny fiction titled Lipstick - if you haven't read it, this story will make more sense if you do. So go read it! Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LOVE YOU MASSY! MWAH! I'll try not to butcher your story too much!

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><p>Edmund sat in his room, late that night, thinking. How could he possibly get revenge on Peter? All the pranks he could think of were too simple, too <em>innocent<em> for revenge on such a dirty, mischievous prank. Sighing, Edmund crumpled another piece of parchment paper and threw it into the fire. There sure were a lot of ideas, only none of them fit quite right. In fact, there were so many ideas that Edmund had wasted all off his parchment. Edmund grumbled and opened his door, to go ask Tumnus for some more.

Instead of finding the Cair empty and silent, as it usually was at night, Edmund found Susan with a look of guilt sprawled across her face, for she was not alone. Another man's back was faced towards Edmund, and his head was placed next to Susan. Edmund noticed Susan shove the man off of her.

"Edmund, what are you doing here?" asked Susan, her cheeks red with embarrassment.

"Getting some more parchment," said Edmund. He raised an eyebrow. "And you?"

"I... uh... um..." Susan couldn't think of a legitimate excuse. She racked her brains for something, anything, that would keep her from telling Edmund what she truly had been doing. "My friend here was trying to untangle my earring from my hair. It got knotted."

"Alright," said Edmund, backing slowly out of the room. Knowing now that Susan's room was empty, he grabbed a few sheets and returned to his own. Resettling next to the fireplace, Edmund had forgotten about Peter's prank and began to wonder about Susan. Maybe she had only gotten something tangled in her hair, but it sure didn't look like that.

"Susan, you're brilliant!" said Edmund, a little too loud, because a muffled groan came from Peter's room.

"Ehh-heed," Peter whined, "Go to slee-heep. Tomorrow you can do whatever you'd like."

"Oh," said Edmund with a hint of evil in his voice, "I will be doing what I like." Luckily, Peter had fallen back asleep and had not heard this. Edmund dropped his voice to a whisper as he crawled into bed and said, "It'll be getting revenge on _you_."

**~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~**

"Ed, why are we going so far into the shrubbery? We just trimmed them the other day," said Peter.

"I told you," said Edmund, "I think I lost something here."

Edmund led Peter through some winding paths and thick branches until he could hear the chattering of some squirrels nearby. He recognized them as Clodpoofle and Wuddlyloaf, the same two squirrels that had discovered Edmund covered in lipstick. Only, today, it would not be him they would be spreading rumors about. Nope, today, it would be Peter.

"Here it is!" exclaimed Edmund, hoping the squirrels would hear his voice, and come to spy. He bent over and made sure that his hair brushed against one of the shrubbery, specifically the kind with the annoying sticky and spiky balls that stuck to you and could make you bleed, if embedded deep enough. When he stood back up, Edmund said, "Peter, I think one of those prickly balls got caught in my hair. Can you get it out, so it doesn't cut me?"

"Sure, Ed," said Peter. As soon as Peter had leaned over Edmund's shoulder, the younger boy grinned. Peter was about to be _so_ embarrassed. Edmund caught a glimpse of Wuddlyloaf poking his head through a tiny bush, then saw Clodpoofle push his way over as well. Their little eyes widened. Edmund could only imagine what it looked like to them. Edmund positioned himself closer to Peter, for emphasis, and clung onto his brother's shoulders.

"What are you doing?" asked Peter, still bent over Edmund's neck.

"Whatever you're doing tickles," said Edmund. He was being honest, for this part at least. Peter's fingers brushing over his neck and behind his ears had tickled quite a bit. The fact that he was pulling such a monstrous prank didn't help either, and it had taken every last bit of Edmund's strength to stop from bursting into peals of laughter.

"Here, is it better like this?"

"Yeah," said Edmund. He glanced over to the squirrels, who were whispering to each other.

Wuddlyloaf said, "Do you think?"

"I don't know," said Clodpoofle.

"But surely they must be!" said Wuddlyloaf, "What else could they be doing?"

"I don't know," repeated Clodpoofle.

Edmund mentally thanked Aslan that squirrels had brains the size of peas, and at the same time prayed that Aslan wouldn't eat him for what he was doing - and about to do.

"Ow, Pete!"

"Sorry, did I hurt you?"

"Yeah!" exclaimed Edmund.

"Well, things like these _do_ tend to hurt quite a bit."

The squirrels gaped their mouths. "They _are_!" both squealed at once, before jostling for better position in the bushes.

"Can two human boys make babies?" asked Wuddlyloaf, "Because I know two boy squirrels can't!"

"I don't know," said Clodpoofle, again. He was quite clueless, it seemed. "Now, be quiet, I want to watch! Wait until the rest of the castle hears about _this_!"

Edmund smirked. It was time to carry out the final stage of his plan, and send Peter into eternal embarrassment. "Peet-uhr! It **hurts**! Stop it, will you?" Edmund shoved Peter backwards. "Next time, I'll get someone else to do this for me. You're too clumsy." Edmund left the garden, leaving Peter baffled. Edmund had more or less _begged_ Peter to remove the prickly ball, and then when Peter had removed it, Edmund had yelled at him.

Clodpoofle shoved Wuddlyloaf forward. Peter peered down at the squirrel. "Hullo, Wuddlyloaf, what can I do for you?" Peter frowned when he saw the squirrel blush and cast its eyes downwards. "Is everything okay?" asked Peter.

"You're not going to yell at me?" asked Wuddlyloaf.

"Why would I ever do that?"

"Because... well... um..." Wuddlyloaf gazed at Clodpoofle for help.

Clodpoofle said, "We saw you and Edmund..."

"Everyone sees me and Edmund," said Peter, "We're together all the time. Of course, we're with Susan and Lucy a lot of the time, too, but..." Peter stopped when he saw the squirrels' bewildered stares.

"You mean you do it with all _four_ of you? How does _that_ work?" asked Wuddlyloaf in amazement.

"Do _what_?" Peter thought back to earlier, more specifically Edmund's and his own actions. Peter leaning over Edmund's neck, moving carefully about. Edmund positioning himself closer to Peter. Edmund making very generic statements, that could have double meanings to onlooker's ears. Lastly, Edmund running away and blaming Peter, so he would be without punishment. Peter bit his lip. "It's not what you think," said Peter.

"Please, do, explain!" chanted the squirrels, excited to hear about human works.

"We _don't_ do _that_ with Susan and Lucy-"

"Good, because, well, that would be weird!"

"-and Edmund and I don't do that, either."

"It sure looked like you just did!" said Clodpoofle.

"Yeah," chided Wuddlyloaf, "And I bet that lipstick was yours, the lipstick all over Edmund yesterday!"

"No, ugh, I..." Peter threw his hands up in frustration. "That wasn't mine, it was a prank!"

"Suuureee," said Wuddlyloaf, before bounding away to share his latest gossip. Clodpoofle wasn't far behind.

Peter sprinted back to the castle and saw Edmund talking to some officials, which was a smart move. Edmund had known Peter would come after him, and decided to prolong the process as long as possible. Edmund knew Peter wouldn't have an outburst in front of important people, so talking to officials was the perfect way to do so. Peter did, however, mouth the words, "_You are so dead,_" to Edmund as he walked by. Edmund, not having a good laugh about his prank yet, began to laugh hysterically.

"Hey, Pete," said Edmund, who cared less about social conduct, "Want to go _bang_ later?" Edmund snickered.

"Go away Edmund."

Edmund turned back to his conversation with the officials, who were puzzled. "Did you just say bang?" asked one.

"Oh, did I? I meant hang, as in hang out. Must've slipped. I didn't get much sleep last night..."

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><p><strong>AN:** Need to say this again, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY MASSY! A bit explicit, but I think this should explain all the slash fiction. It isn't *really* slash, it just looks like it to onlookers. Edmund and Peter are just pulling some wonderful pranks on you! Anyway, I'd love to hear what you thought of both mine and Masih's stories, but mostly send some love (**reviews, not looove,** get your mind out of the gutter!) Masih's way. She deserves it on her birthday! She also would like to get some favorites, while you're at it! HAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPY BIRRRRRRRRRRRTHDAAYYYYYY MASSEEEEEEEEEEEEY! Luffers, Mintey!


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